my legs hurt so bad

I had a dream we were arguing in the bathroom. I pushed you down the stairs, but you fell off the railing instead.

My muscles ache, my heart aches, im bruised, im tired, im just so fucking tired, i cant make my own decisions, i dont know who to trust, im tired of thinking about you every night as i try to fall asleep, it just might all come out tomorrow and part of me is hoping that it does. because i know that you’ve been fucking her since september, i know that you’ve been talking to him, i know that you don’t care about me anymore. i know all of these things, yet i still dont know why i cant stop thinking about it all.

a day at the pier (first draft)

assorted bins of individually wrapped saltwater taffy in tangerine, red, gray, green, cola, blue
i pick you out– dark chocolate– will i like it? i don’t know.

i’m like you, but i’m still on the puller, arm outstretched, leg bent back, your hand
running over mine, my finger trailing peaks and valleys that i know.

the ribbons in my hair that fall across the nape of my neck, get twisted
and eventually, i collapse, but i’m dying to know

if the thought of me
remains like a sugar sore
lingering on the roof of your mouth

if we were crossing lines
moving past each other that once briefly aligned; if you’re like me. but i know.

you tell me we can get on the carousel together, but i’m tired of riding,
i’ve done it a thousand times, i want to get off, but you’re the operator as far as i know.

the smell of the ocean breeze leaves a bitter taste in my mouth,
and i dive head first and you don't follow because you stopped telling me to, but i already know.

i am tired of pretending like i don’t, like we don’t, because we speak more to each other
through the silence. don’t you think i know what’s going on? i knew, i always knew, and i still know.