(no subject)

[weepingcrab]

Sometimes, there doesn't have to be something wrong for my brain to feel like mush. For my legs to be immobile while I watch a show that lets me escape to a world that isn't so bleak, that has hope unlike the one I know. I feel so unfulfilled and unsatisfied with my life and wish I had someone to share it with that wants to share it back with me in the same way. I wish it didn't take me two hours of dicking around for me to finally pick my feet up off the floor and piss. I wish I didn't keep masturbating and smoking to feel something. It feels like nothing can release me from the rut I'm in, and the worst part is when people ask me if I'm fine or if something is wrong or if something happened but the truth is that something is always happening, I'm never fine, and the world isn't ok.

Comments

[michaelboy]

I'm so sorry you're struggling. What helped me immensely after losing my wife to cancer was to find ways to help other people. I started volunteering in an ER and did that for 10 years, now volunteering with hospice. It energized me. Perhaps you may find a way to help others which can go a long way in helping yourself. You seem very artistic
..maybe something in that vein might help. My best to you.

[weepingcrab]

<3

[wooria]

wow this is so real like this was me last year (particularly the part about having to muster the effort to piss) and I guess still me this year but the thing is even though i'm "better" now I don't know how I got there, and every so often I can feel my feet being dragged back down and I know I'm perpetually hanging on by a thread and it is so easy to return back to my "Bad State," as if that is the natural order of my life